Chaotic Big Dipper

It often feels like I’m on a big dipper at a funfair that’s not much fun. I wrote this whilst out on a walk wrestling with fluctuating feelings that are up and down then amusingly, or not, extremely super-loop.

Until the next time we say goodbye, I’ll be trying my best to retain normal service. Tune in a low frequency but that’s the danger of feeling a disturbed tortured soul. I tune in and drop out with wild emotional overload.

Going up and down on a mondo big-dippero that I have to maintain so I don’t derail. Once the shit hits life’s ever-oscillating fan then the tracks come apart. Nuts and bolts popping off like stray bullets. Mind your head Sir, you’ll get one behind the ear if you stand too near. Stand clear, mind the gap, wear a hard hat, risk of death.

Being borderline chaos is a daily battle most frustrating. No job, no health, no purpose. A seemingly endless list of no, no, no. But over the past few years I’ve slowly learned to see the “yes” in life. I can still do this, I can almost do that let alone the other.

My mind is represented by playlists on my phone from ‘PowerUp’ to ‘JustNice’ wherein you’ll hear good moments or emotional turmoil. Good days and bad leak from my blood red headphones as I walk past the cemetery. My facial expressions will tell you how my mind is tuned in. A frown because I’m trying to be Bulletproof by La Roux, or relaxed and miming to those damned Final Fantasy soundtracks but beware miming to Eminem, keep back until my factory reset.

Music, love and harnessed strength has re-tuned this collector of chronic chaos to mild static and the big dipper has been sent trundling calmly up and down manageable, well, ups and downs.

With an occasional super-loop!