The stock photo above sums up exactly how I feel right now. I do miss my time as a keen cyclist before my brain explosion. Carefree days when I’d shove a load of sweets and crisps in my Champion backpack and head off over the Bathgate Hills on my mountain bike.
Anyway. I was reflecting on the past few years and various chaotic moments and stressful times endured. The turmoil in my head caused terrible pain to gather like erratically settled sand in a sandstorm. I didn’t know what to do or where to start. Should I be rabid or deep breathe? Shoot back with an AK-47 or giggle with a water pistol? Moral decisions have been difficult but I bit my lip and backed away.
Worsening health that wasn’t believed. My personality brought into question. Accusations so outrageous they were almost impressive. Even my name was doubted. Hit me up on social media and see for yourself that of course I am who I am and there’s a plethora of photos and connections to verify and back up everything that was questioned. Doubting sheep, why not hit me up and bollock me? See, I’m getting personal because the thought of unpleasantness is making me aggressive.
After any form of negativity in life I’ve realised a couple of observations. Hate keeps the enemy alive whereas love keeps them in a completely different part of your mind which doesn’t irritate like a gnat. Chaos keeps you going! That initial surge of emotion is like a fire being stoked. A sudden wave of energy is experienced and as you deal with the situation you strangely learn positive experiences. It’s really weird but that’s how my mind had responded to conflict.
You suddenly feel really thankful for all that’s good. Encouragement slaps you hard from everything you see and hear. Negative emotions and distress intolerance is quickly defused by, for example, a walk, a song, a random lovely comment. Etc.
As the image of one of my favourite movie villains sttates in the image above, suddenly I feel very, very good.
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