Us Chronics Still Need To Be Asked If We’re Okay

Everybody in long-term situations: no matter how many times they tell you the same, predictable details always always always simply ask them how they are. Sometimes they may have a nugget of good news, progress, further insight. Never assume how they’re doing and take it for granted that they feel X today because of Y and Z.

You see, having chronic health problems since 1996 causes me to feel quite a bore. I’m now really bored of myself. Nothing changes unless to callously worsen and throw a spanner in the works giving my multi-disciplinary medical team another migraine.

I label myself a f*cking boring chronic. It doesn’t offend me, patronise or belittle me etc because it’s a self-identified quip and I can take it. My body punches me in the face every day anyway.

I’m alright, say I. Asked if I am by means of a “How are you?”. Three words that are just as important as “I love you”. I very much appreciate people showing they care and without their meaningful words, questions and well-wishes I’d feel alone and that I didn’t matter. Everybody would feel the same way. As much as I am fed up with it all, I still cherish three word phrases. I’m the one that utilises the two and one word statements to myself.

My left leg falls out of bed with thud before the rest of me due to it’s dead weight and loss of control. Yawn, here we go again. And so the day begins. Another assault course of medications, getting to the bathroom before I wet my feet (really!), avoiding petit mal seizures and so boringly on. The biggest challenge of this SAS grade assault course is not letting my chronic widespread parasthesia lose my sh*t completely. I’m so close to but I can’t escape it plus the psychological onslaught of wanting to run away from myself. Indulge in some astral projection and never return.

Hand me that Playstation 4 control pad before I explode…

My only means of brief escape is immersing myself in Final Fantasy XV, watching films, managing a walk and the moments of sleep without the stress dreams. Then the phone rings. The theme tune to the Silent Hill saga naturally. No matter who that voice is on the other end, three words asked are enough to make me feel loved and that I matter. How are you? Are you okay? I may be a bore saying the same old script each time but at least I’m being heard and offered care.


It’s alright, I think

© Copyright: Sharon Lawson™

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