My Heart Is A Failure But I Am Not

I’ve had a very negative few weeks lately for various reasons and so much tumbled on top of me I just sighed:

“What the fuuuuuuuuck!!??”

Yesterday after a very pleasant phone consultation with my friendly cardiologist I suddenly felt happy. He was assuring with the details of my dilated cardiomyopathy and very curious as to the cause. Cue cool MRI scan. Anyway, my medication is keeping me stable for now and I’m fully aware of managing my creepy symptoms.

The surge of joy I felt was the realisation of what I CAN do. I push myself beyond the pain barrier and just deal with the flare ups afterwards. If I’m screwed up mentally, I’ll rest. On a good day I’ll try my best and make a phone call, have coffee and cake with a friend, enjoy a short walk. Whatever is possible because impossible isn’t in my thought processes. I’ll enjoy films and legally kill things via videogames if my stupid limbs and hips are grating on me. And simply sleep off those stormy skies.

Bollocks to pain. I’m so fed up of being held prisoner by myself enough is enough. And should my brain engage with rage, I’ll acknowledge it’s part of my longstanding psychology and stop punishing myself for blurting out any unmentionables.

Everyone in constant war inside should not be punished by themselves or others; people in pain and suffering should be more praising of their little achievements no matter how seemingly insignificant. It’s what keeps us going. A smile, a song, a kind word. You know the rest.

Speaking of rest, I must have one immediately.

© Copyright: Sharon Lawson™