Disability From My Neurological Disaster: Or Premature Enlightenment?

The long-term effects from my brain injury are crazy. Things not mentioned at the time because every person is different and such effects are not guaranteed. I was content with grand mal seizures, weak bladder, cognitive and sensory defects and left leg weakness meriting use of a walking stick. Why? Because I was grateful to be alive and able to walk again. Defying overheard pessimistic odds.

Time passed and my leg developed an equinous deformity. The common “dropped foot”. My foot pointed downwards and I walked awkwardly on my inner forefoot. Cue amazing orthopaedic intervention and a few surgeries rectified the position, fused my big toe and tendon releases on two other toes. Off came my big nail as I kept snagging it and getting sore. Not a great look for nail polish but I got a heart tattooed on my right foot to psychologically distract myself from it. I walk like Sadako from the Japanese Ringu films. I love horror films anyway.

Time passed and my hips and knee started to niggle me. Then boof!! Now have extreme burning pain including my lower back too. Then the really annoying nerve compression/agitation raged. Erratic pelvic floor muscle weakness, numb rubber leg and right foot numb on top. What is all this??? Awkward gait for years has now caused a symptom explosion. Searing pain that is dampened slightly by Naproxen and paracetamol with a sprinkle of Tramadol. My GP said take all your painkillers and do everything you can that helps suggesting “Sorry Sharon, there’s nothing I can do”. Hopefully yet more physiotherapy will be useful.

At least the grand mal seizures are now petit mals. Focus on the positive and all that. It’s difficult on the bad days to feel positive and I immerse myself in films and video games. What else can you do? Meditation and visualisation are not effective to cope with 24/7 physical symptoms.

Add the above to my other problems and it makes me feel a failure. So many losses, what’s next?

Oh well, least I can queue jump thanks to various assistance. I should take a lesson from the film Fight Club: guided forestry meditation or retreat into a beating icy cave despite my personal pain… Or is it all “premature enlightenment”?