We’re All Addicts Here

Alice crawled down the Rabbit Hole chasing what she thought was an upstanding white bunny wearing a waistcoat and gold pocket watch. She was wearing her Sony headphones listening to Bjork. Dinah the kitten had ran off somewhere but she’ll be okay. Alice started to contemplate drugs. Chasing a white rabbit!? Was her tea and scones laced with something psychoactive?

She began to think:

“Drugs are bad or so they say but what specific drugs of choice are they, whomever “they” are, referring too? If you think about it deeply enough, just about everything is a drug. The definitions of drug are few. Apart from the obvious medicinal and illegal context, it is also: “any natural or artificially made chemical that is taken for pleasure, to improve someone’s performance of an activity, or because a person cannot stop using it“.

Since everything involves chemistry then I am of the belief we can become addicted to anything even everything. Chemistry at it’s base level has enabled technological, pharmaceutical, leisure, food and drink, fucking gardening advancements that enhance our everyday lives. From to Atari to Zolgensma, chemistry is at the root”.

“Why yes, even videogames!”, said Alice nibbling on a shroom, “I get high on dopamine whilst battling flans in Final Fantasy XIII. And of course, the invention of the silicon chip, found in our consoles’ motherboards, involved chemistry. Silicon is a chemical element with the symbol Si and atomic number 14…”

Suddenly a furious voice from the strangest sight Alice had ever seen. A caterpillar sat on one of the biggest mushrooms ever surrounded by pungent smoke and hookahs.

“Knock it off you little show off cunt”, exclaimed the Caterpillar who continued to have a draw of his opium pipe before proceeding to chant his stoned version of the vowels: “Altar, emo, impale, opiate, uuuuuugly”

Alice repositioned her Sony headphones, turned up the bass in defiance and stomped off into Tolgey Wood deep in thought.

Alice sat on a log and pondered.

“Arsehole Caterpillar. I am right, you’re just high”, she laughed.

Her thoughts continued:

“Addiction is certainly no laughing matter however we do tease ourselves and one other about our addictions to chocolate, coffee, trash TV, shopping and so on and so forth. A coffee cunt, a gore whore, a petrolhead blah blah blah. A cat lover, hope Dinah is okay. A social media FOMO victim, a shoe fetishist, housework freak. Again, all items contain chemistry! I’m such a bore.

Oh but being accused of being an addict. An actual addict addict is an entirely different situation. That Cheshire Cat was so rude! Present your evidence for the court and we’ll see. Hmmmm this is all circumstantial. Conjecture based on raging suspicion and actually, repugnant conclusions after all is said and very well done, or should I say, not well done. Yes, repugnant. Sick. Offensive horrible Cat. And stop the lurid thoughts about Dinah, she’s just a kitten!

I dare say when I get home, if I ever find home, Sister will be ever so cross and accuse me yet again. I’d better not tell her anything. Especially about that cheeky Dormouse with the watery green eyes! He was ever so sweet but would not shut the fuck up reciting haphazard poetry. Twinkle twinkle little bat? And such foul terrible recitals about Mary… Mary had a little pig that wouldnae stop it’s gruntin’… What kind of word is ‘wouldnae’? I’ll tell Sister the rest of that verse when I get home.

My eyes are getting very heavy and I feel so… light? The trees are whispering to me and the flowers have faces! I… I…”

Alice awoke with a start.

“Finally you’re awake you Meprobamate reprobate! I put Mother’s Little Helper in the sugar bowl by mistake and drugged us both, even Dinah. What in the name of goodness have you been dreaming about? You said the most curious things and I managed to write it down, see?”

Sister showed Alice lazy scrawled writings recounting peculiar verbatim. How Sister managed to recount most of it word for word was astonishing.

“Good gracious me Sister it’s like you have used Father’s camera to photograph my mind! Can I show this to Jane? Oh please say I can!! She’ll want us to read it in the Secret Garden whilst we have crumpets and tea. But no fucking sugar”.

FURTHER READING: CURIOUS JANE BY SHARON LAWSON

Inspired by “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland”, an 1865 novel by English author Lewis Carroll. It is considered to be one of the best examples of the literary nonsense genre. Wikipedia

© Copyright: Sharon Lawson™