Recovery Is Like A Game

But I’m breaking out of this slump I’m in
Pulling myself out of the dumps once again
I’m getting up once and for all, fuck this shit
– ‘Stronger Than I Was’ by Eminem

A puzzle no longer puzzled with lost pieces once scattered all over the floor now being found, picked up and gently placed into position. You may feel like you’re falling apart, lost, broken, but from being fractured comes support. And support brings on healing. Which ultimately leads to the greatest defeat of all: recovery and strength better than you’ve ever felt.

I myself have hit the ground and risen again like, well, I suppose a crap yo-yo with string too long! Spinning downwards out of control, hitting the path and gaining more and more scuff marks before managing to twist and hurl upwards. Numerous set backs, fuck ups and knockouts over the arduous years and every time the situation seemed like I’d finally fallen into the deepest recess of my own personal hell, a hand always reached down and hurled me up out of there as I throat punched each demon trying to drag me back.

Demons, thorns in the flesh, illness, trauma, psychological warfare, whatever life throws at people ultimately good conquers evil. The road may be long, bumpy and full of detours that make you think you’re getting nowhere but trust me, as a survivor of much, you ARE getting somewhere. Peel P50 or Porsche 911 GTRS, one way or another your journey will arrive at it’s destination in the time that’s right for you.

After a traumatic experience your head and emotions feel like they’ve shattered into hundreds of pieces. Questions are asked, websites read, YouTube videos taken note of but in doing so they’re keeping you trapped within that whirlwind of upset. A fragmented you in a vortex of confusion. You’ve taken in so much information and took many notes yet wonder why you don’t feel better. hopeful. It’s because, as I said, audio and literature suck the energy out of you and keep whatever difficulty you’re experiencing hovering over your head like a threatening grey cloud. You need sunshine to disperse it. Put those negative things away. Honestly, I deleted Kindle books from Amazon, cancelled notifications on YouTube although remained subscribe for possible future use and made an agreement with my husband, family and friends to never again speak of troubles accumulated over the years. Just together support my characteristic Borderline moments.

It’s like playing Snakes and Ladders, you go up and feel great then land on a snake and slide all the way back down again. Although at the moment I’m kind of like Buckaroo! Loading myself up with positivity, love and goals then dammit, my spring mechanism gets triggered, I have one of my moments and my mouth shoots off everywhere like an out of control firework. But love and support is felt again and finally, I have a moment of freedom. Like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and the perceptiveness I need to start enjoying the gift of survival and life. Although my spring may trigger again.

You can do it too!